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“I belong to no one,” I said in the loudest voice I could muster.

“What’s going on?” The door banged behind me. Lena entered, wisps of her hair tossed over her face. I stood silent. The ground bobbed beneath me, a curtain of tension hanging over my head. Her eyes darted from me to him. “What’s going on?” She shouted this time. “Nothing Lena.” He took a step towards her.

Shadows holding up his skin, he was a mangy monster. Scales rackled his arms and a jarring smile swept his mouth. Lena inhaled sharply. “Is that you Seth?” She reached up to cover her mouth, not letting her words float out into the molten lava. Taking a few steps back, she breathed deeply, barely whispering, “Is that you Seth?” Over and over again.

I didn’t say anything. I just stood there, teeth clamped in my in lips, swaying on the balls of my feet.

“Is that you, Seth?” She said for the last time. I watched him swing her. Grab her by the neck and hoist in her in the air, till her eyes turned blue, bulging with fear. She coughed, she sputtered, she died. And I didn’t move. I just stood there watching. Watching my best friend die. Watching her being killed by a stranger. And I didn’t move. My heart sunk. Had I turned into a monster too?

I watched him approach me now. His eyes like pinballs, darting this way and that. He gave me a vicious smile. “Happy?” I shook my head, my heart bursting with guilt. He held his hand out. And I took it. Just like the murder I was. The murder I am. The murder I could have been.

Overview: I haven’t written a story in a while and I haven’t been posting and I feel guilty. I miss talking to all my followers. Sharing all my stories. Being me. I wrote this story because I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, I just needed to let go of how I felt. I miss writing and I don’t do it as much or often as I used to. In fact, I don’t do much other than my schoolwork. I haven’t been reading either. I stopped reading like I used to. Stopped doing what I did. I really miss my old self and I really need to bring back the nice girl I used to be. I know this isn’t like my normal posts and if its too much emotions you can stop reading. It’s okay. ย I wrote this story with a lot of guilt because lately, that’s how I’ve been feeling. Guilty. I ย feel like I’ve betrayed so many people including myself. I’ve betrayed you, my fellow bloggers. I let you down and I’m sorry. Sometimes, I just want to write a blog post and I start and I don’t finish. I have so many stories, so many things planned, but today I just wanted to share this. 2018 hasn’t been and doesn’t seem like a good year for me, but I hope this makes up for all the posts I’ve missed, the clicks on my page and your opportunity to comment. Let me know what you think.

-storyspiller

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